Is Divorce a Dirty Word?
Why do pastors preach that 1 man + 1 woman = 4 life? What’s the big problem in getting divorced? Is divorce really bad for the children? When can be divorce be a positive experience? In Episode 11 of this PsychPod Studio Podcast, I demystify why divorce is the ugly “D” word in Christian conservatism. All this and more.
Welcome to the PsychPod Studio Podcast with Psychological Thriller Author M.E. Anders, where we chat 15 minutes of weekly news and views. Merging fact and fiction into an infotainment-packed show. Here we’ll explore hot psychological topics from the perspective of a suspense and mind-altering thriller author. Popular topics include cult survivor tales, author interviews, psychological expert interviews, reader discussions, critical thinking skills, skepticism, freethinking, and religion. How You Can Listen:
- iTunes - Click here to download the episode or listen in iTunes!
- RSS Feed - Click here to subscribe to the podcast in the RSS feed of your choice.
- Stitcher - PsychPod Studio is now on Stitcher! Listen to us on the web, your iPhone, Android Phone, BlackBerry and WebOS phones.
- Click the Play in New Window button below to listen now.
Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
_________________________________
The Podcast Shownotes
One bit of Psych News:
Naked Pastor – Are you transitioning out of religion? Questioning your beliefs?
I would highly recommend getting transition guidance if you are struggling. Naked Pastor is an ex-pastor with extensive transition counseling experience:
Naked Pastor says, “Yesterday a friend asked me what nakedpastor is about. What I am passionate about is helping people transition. When people start to question their beliefs and begin to move away from assumed commitments, there is basically no support. When you question your beliefs and begin moving away from your theology and even start to drift away from church or even Christianity altogether, basically you’re fucked. You’re on your own. There’s no support.
Like I tweeted a couple of weeks ago:
Navigating beyond the borders of the church is scary because support doesn’t come from the church but from that which it doesn’t endorse.”
Contact him here if you would like support for your journey.
What I’m Reading?
Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
In the highly anticipated Thinking, Fast and Slow, Kahneman takes us on a groundbreaking tour of the mind and explains the two systems that drive the way we think. System 1 is fast, intuitive, and emotional; System 2 is slower, more deliberative, and more logical. Kahneman exposes the extraordinary capabilities—and also the faults and biases—of fast thinking, and reveals the pervasive influence of intuitive impressions on our thoughts and behavior.
What I’m Writing?
Working on my second draft for Playing God, my first novel.
What I’m Watching?
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – American version. I also saw the Swedish version – not sure which version I like best. Both were incredible.
Reader Mailbag (Q & A)
Brad Snowder, the Astroholic, kicked off his Bible Satire Series. Last week, he covered what happened in Genesis. Julie, one of my favorite writer-blogging friends, was so kind to leave her comment from a Christian perspective.
Julie Glover says,
“As a studious Christian myself, I note that the events are here in order and stay somewhat true to the biblical account. But of course, there is denotation and connotation. I obviously disagree with the description and conclusions. Some biblical scholars think that this is a literal story and others think that it is symbolic. Either way, believers agree that God is the ultimate creator. The reference to the plural (and yes, God says “we” should create) matches up with the Christian belief that God is three-in-one, a trinity. I do think it is reasonable for people to question their own theology or be questioned by others. Anyone who believes that this is truth (and as a Christian, I believe that the Word of God is true) should be prepared to answer some tough questions.”
Daily Topic: Is Divorce a Dirty Word?
Why am I covering this topic?
One of my childhood friends from within the IFB (independent fundamental baptist cult) asked me if I would specifically cover this topic, as it has been a point of contention for many of us, even after leaving.
Why is divorce a problem in Christian conservatism?
For those of us who grew up in the IFB, we were taught beneath Jack Hyles till 2001. From 2001 till present, the leader was Jack Schaap (Hyles’ son-in-law).
Jack Hyles said, “The reason for the problem is simple: spouses who seek divorces have an earthly love, not a “heavenly” or spiritual love, for their spouse and for God.”
Jack Schaap preached in one of his sermons answering what he would do if his wife ever cheated on him, “There are worse things than getting divorced from me. It’s living with me.”
When is divorce “permissible” in conservative churches?
Only when adultery can be unequivocally be proven. Even then, the couple should try to reconcile. Sexual abuse of children, physical abuse of children, and emotional abuse is not “grounds for divorce” according to Scripture.
Is remarrying after divorce considered adultery?
Some would say yes. They believe that you can only be married once.
“Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9; see also Matthew 5:31, 32)
How is a person blackballed within the IFB/cult after getting a divorce?
You cannot hold any position of power or influence within the church. This would include assistant pastors, speaking at events, etc.
The divorcees and their children are looked down upon as second class to those from the “perfect families.” They would not say as much out loud often, but you’ll hear it discussed behind closed doors.
How do I view divorce now?
I explain in the podcast that I believe divorce is not a dirty word. Divorce usually is a heart-wrenching experience. It can be beneficial when the couple decides that the best future for their lives is to go their separate ways. It’s a decision that requires much deliberation and coaching from an expert psychologist or sex therapist.
Next Week’s Podcast Topic: You Rejected Go. Who Hurt You?
———
Listeners: Did you also grow up in a home with a divorced or single parent? Do you believe that living in a divorced home hampered your life in any way? Leave your comment below.
My Related Posts:
Divorce is such a sticky situation. I am a born-again Christian and I send my children to Christian school. My son (4th grade) came home and told me that his dad and I couldn't be Christians because we're divorced (they had studied Matthew 19 in school that day). It was a great opportunity to explain to him that God still loves us even though we make mistakes - sin. I don't believe, for the most part, that there are degrees of sin. If you lie, you sin. If you divorce, you sin. We sin every day. And I will admit that my divorce was a sin (though it was not my choice to divorce, I could have been a more agreeable spouse).
It sucks when church gets so much into our home lives as is the case in the IFB (and the "church" I grew up in), particularly when considering that the divorce rate for Christians is on par with that of non-Christians. May as well accept that we are going to be sinners and try to learn from the past.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Like