Today, we have the honor of April G. joining us on the blog to tell her story.   Each Wednesday, tune in to the blog for the next episode.  She will answer a few questions weekly about her 19 years within the cult.

If you missed her prior episodes, you can read them here:

• April Belittled by Fundamentalist Pastor - Part 1
• April Burns Irreligious Artwork - Part 2

About April:  April and I met through the blog and exchanged several emails before we met in-person.  Both of us were members of the same cult affiliation, but different leaders.  While I grew up in a mega-church cult, April was recruited into a smaller town operation.  As opposed to my growing up in a cult, April was recruited in her early twenties from a Catholic upbringing.  She and I enjoy getting together for coffee and exchanging stories.  Cult survivors often feel alienated from the rest of society, because most cannot fathom the verbal and emotional abuse that survivors carry with them for years afterwards.  Though April and I have only known each other a couple months, I count her as one of my real friends.

via Cartoon Stock

 Q & A Session: Part 3

Question #1:  What were your intentions when you joined the religious cult?

In the early days I was so very naïve.  I just wanted to please God. My motives were totally sincere, and I did not doubt the motives of the pastor…at that time.  I desired to do what was right, and I just wanted God to love me.   So the “man of God” told me that he could guide me in a way to a proper relationship with God that I was missing in my life.  But there was still so much for me to learn!  And the man of God would show me, but I also needed to be with others who believed the doctrine as the man of God taught.  I trusted him.  I believed the man of God had my best interests at heart. 

Boy – was I in for a very rude awakening!

Question #2:  What happened if a member disagreed with the “man of God” or his interpretation of the Bible?

This realization didn’t happen overnight, but it seemed the leader’s interpretations of the Bible became the standard for truth.

Over time I began to realize that there also seemed to be no real checks and balances for the pastor.

God help the person who would dare to question or disagree with the pastor’s Bible interpretations or pronouncements. You had absolutely no outside recourse. Once you seriously questioned or doubted the pastor’s pronouncements or doctrinal stance, you could expect to be sermon fodder & blasted from the pulpit. You might even get a letter of rebuke, (like I got) informing you that your doubts (questions) were of the devil. That in itself is traumatizing, after all, when your pastor is telling you that you are tantamount to being influenced by devils. It is very unsettling to a person’s psyche.

This was justified that it was the “loving” thing to do.

Question #3:  Why was critical thinking against the rules?

It was taught that the flock had “desperately wicked” hearts like the Old Testament says, and the implication was we couldn’t trust our feelings because of this. Sometimes it was indirectly stated, but the point was to shut off *thinking* because the bible teaches that “God’s ways are above mans” or “God’s wisdom is foolishness to man…” or some other Bible verse to influence you to stop thinking your own thoughts or feeling your own emotions.

As with so many other people, my pre-cult life had it’s own dysfunction. I was dealing with issues in my life with family, career, finance & relationships. And I won’t deny that I had problems. But the sacred science forced me to view my family & friends through a very harsh & judgmental worldview.  The doctrine was presented as the ultimate truth.  The leader justified the teachings using the bible, which was revered as “God’s word”, so whether I agreed with it or not, I had BETTER believe it, because God said it!  How could I be so presumptuous as to think I knew better than God?

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Thanks for answering those three questions, April.  I also experienced a denigration of critical thinking in my cult upbringing and family.

Click here to continue to Part 4 - we’ll ask April about her experience with cult doctrines, contradictions, and uprooting.

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Readers:  Do you have any questions for April?  If so, click here to leave them in the comments section.

My Related Posts:

1. Religious Cult Survivor Burns Irreligious Artwork
2. Religious Cult Survivor Belittled by Fundamentalist Pastor
3. I Escaped a Religious Cult – PsychPod Studio Podcast
4. Types of Cults in America – PsychPod Studio Podcast
5. What Is a Cult? – PsychPod Studio Podcast