I find your experiences interesting as they are vastly different from mine. Not everyone comes to the path by the same way. For me, deconversion was a long and tortuous process, but only tortuous in the sense that I didn't just go from point "A" to point "B". I took a LOT of detours on my journey and it took place over several decades. The last weeks of my journey towards free-thought were painful and agonizing, I can only imagine what it might have been like for me if I went "cold turkey" from my beliefs. I think the fact that I was born in a multicultural family also made things a bit easier for me...at least in theory. In the waning years of my Christianity, I was a member of the Churches of Christ, which are extremely fundamentalist. Even when I was no longer buying into their garbage I didn't feel trapped. There was nothing to escape from,because I am the one who sought them out, not the other way around.
I have a deep respect for those who have the courage and intelligence to see past the blinders that were forced upon them at birth. Keep fighting the good fight sister!

It reminds me of getting out of an abusive relationship--you break up then you get back, then you break up again and then you get back. Finally, if you keep on pushing and pushing, you'll be able to get out of it.

Fascinating, as always!

I admire your guts and honesty in sharing this part of your own story. I know what you mean about having lots of friends in a church that is cultish. It's not easy to find your way out. I'm glad you did!